This National Grief Awareness Week our Spiritual Care & Bereavement Support Lead, John, shares some suggestions about how to help someone who is bereaved.

For those who live with a major bereavement, knowing where your support comes from is really important. However, for those supporting someone who is bereaved there is often anxiety as to how to do this effectively or without upsetting the person who is grieving. Which is why some people will do everything they can not to talk about bereavement or remove themselves from the bereaved person just in case the subject comes up in conversation. This can cause further upset at a vulnerable time and makes the bereaved person feel more isolated. 

Here are some suggestions on how to support someone who is bereaved from those who have experienced it:

• By being there – you don’t need to say anything, coming alongside is very powerful and means a lot to the grieving person.
• By listening and accepting in a non-judgemental way – everyone grieves differently, allow the bereaved person to find their own way.
• By demonstrating empathy with the person's position – show understanding, think about what it would be like if it were you going through this.
• By encouraging them to talk about the deceased – often there will be tears and laughter, yet memories are valuable.
• By tolerating silences – you don’t have to fill the space. Silence gives time for reflection and inner thoughts.
• By being familiar with your own feelings about bereavement and death – be comfortable about your own thoughts, what you think when someone dies, what you would find helpful if bereaved.
• By being able to reassure the person – confidence is often low in the bereaved person, they may question how they are behaving, if they are grieving correctly.  Letting them know it’s OK, that grief is normal can help.
• By not taking anger or personal feelings personally – anger is a normal response to grief and whilst it might feel personal it isn’t meant to be.
• By recognising that your feelings may be a reflection of how the bereaved person is feeling – when we care for someone we feel what they feel.
• By accepting that you cannot make them feel better – grief can’t be fixed, there is no magic formula, accepting this and being there for the person is what counts.

Remember, grieving the loss of a loved one is the worst pain someone can endure. Be respectful and polite. Don’t discount anyone’s feelings. Even if someone puts on a brave face and looks like he or she is handling it well, don’t assume that person is. Show that you care. Actions often speak louder then words. Offer to take them to the grocery store, watch the children for an afternoon, and help around the house. These gestures mean a lot to a person whose world has just been turned upside down.

If you would like to talk to someone about bereavement or  find out more about our Bereavement services, please find out more here.